Wednesday, December 23, 2009
"you dream alot."
Somehow this statement.. makes me think. what exactly are dreams? =\. are they a self defense system for emotions? to let you feel the joy you really want? so that you will forever believe that one day "dreams may come true."
i don't know. i only know. my wants are not and will not be kept merely dreams or fantasys.. i want to make them reality.. but.. there are just so many hardships we have to face no? determination is the key. oh really? haha. well.. its merely part of a key. a key has two parts no? the circular edge for you to turn the key in lock.. and the teeth of the key to fit inside and give it something to turn the lock with..
what if determination is only the teeth or circular edge? can the door to your dreams open? no.
unforunately.. i don't hold this part of the key anymore. its with.. you. and from what i see.. the other part is long gone.. but i'll still try my best to find back that part.. however futile it is..
My sins and mistakes may have piled up on the other half of the key. Perhaps it has even destroyed the other part.. never to be made again.
it feels good to be free eh.. then.. i'll let you feel good.. i'll set u free.. but i won't stop finding for the other part of the key.. even if after i found it.. you are already long gone.. and leave no trace behind.
i understand what you are trying to say. the issue isn't about materialistic things.. its more of.. keeping my word. keeping my promises. trust. and you are right.. i don't deserve any trust.. i don't deserve anything from you. i want to deserve it. maybe it's impossible.. but.. didn't say be positive? hope may come one day..
lies.. if u think i lied.. i'm fine.. i won't argue you against your judgement.. even if i have to take a false blame.. destroying all my chances.. i'll also accept it.. what else can i do? i'll rebuild from scratch.. but i know things won't be the same anymore.
i need you. you don't need me.
the only thing i can do now.. is slog my guts out.. and pray for the best..
looks like i have to drop the highest paying job of all.. the factory job.. although pay wise.. it is not bad.. but.. working wise and hygenie wise.. and community wise.. no. just no. 11 hours of work. 9-10 hours of it standing and cutting cushions.. wtf. lunch break 45 mins.. tea break 15 mins each.. theres two. dinner is 20 mins. the rest of the time.. standing.. cutting cushions.. have to wait for a certain time to pass before i can go DRINK WATER. ._. .. ah crap.. sigh. plus mom doesn't want it.. since she is so concern about my pimples -.-. and since now im on a weight loss program.. she wants me to concentrate on it.. but i'll still be job hunting tomorrow though.. to find a good and nice job. which will hopefully employ me for 1 month =.= before i go into the dpa program..
will i meet the deadline? sigh.
another lonely.. shitty.. year end and christmas.
have fun.. i know you will.. after all.. you feel so good now..
just wish.. i had a chance to prove.. and show.. a final chance.. to display everything.. :\
new blog song!... suits our situation well...
final fantasy 13 is out! should i get it? hmmmm... maybe not..
Fight on 12/23/2009 12:47:00 AM
