Wednesday, December 23, 2009
"you dream alot."
Somehow this statement.. makes me think. what exactly are dreams? =\. are they a self defense system for emotions? to let you feel the joy you really want? so that you will forever believe that one day "dreams may come true."
i don't know. i only know. my wants are not and will not be kept merely dreams or fantasys.. i want to make them reality.. but.. there are just so many hardships we have to face no? determination is the key. oh really? haha. well.. its merely part of a key. a key has two parts no? the circular edge for you to turn the key in lock.. and the teeth of the key to fit inside and give it something to turn the lock with..
what if determination is only the teeth or circular edge? can the door to your dreams open? no.
unforunately.. i don't hold this part of the key anymore. its with.. you. and from what i see.. the other part is long gone.. but i'll still try my best to find back that part.. however futile it is..
My sins and mistakes may have piled up on the other half of the key. Perhaps it has even destroyed the other part.. never to be made again.
it feels good to be free eh.. then.. i'll let you feel good.. i'll set u free.. but i won't stop finding for the other part of the key.. even if after i found it.. you are already long gone.. and leave no trace behind.
i understand what you are trying to say. the issue isn't about materialistic things.. its more of.. keeping my word. keeping my promises. trust. and you are right.. i don't deserve any trust.. i don't deserve anything from you. i want to deserve it. maybe it's impossible.. but.. didn't say be positive? hope may come one day..
lies.. if u think i lied.. i'm fine.. i won't argue you against your judgement.. even if i have to take a false blame.. destroying all my chances.. i'll also accept it.. what else can i do? i'll rebuild from scratch.. but i know things won't be the same anymore.
i need you. you don't need me.
the only thing i can do now.. is slog my guts out.. and pray for the best..
looks like i have to drop the highest paying job of all.. the factory job.. although pay wise.. it is not bad.. but.. working wise and hygenie wise.. and community wise.. no. just no. 11 hours of work. 9-10 hours of it standing and cutting cushions.. wtf. lunch break 45 mins.. tea break 15 mins each.. theres two. dinner is 20 mins. the rest of the time.. standing.. cutting cushions.. have to wait for a certain time to pass before i can go DRINK WATER. ._. .. ah crap.. sigh. plus mom doesn't want it.. since she is so concern about my pimples -.-. and since now im on a weight loss program.. she wants me to concentrate on it.. but i'll still be job hunting tomorrow though.. to find a good and nice job. which will hopefully employ me for 1 month =.= before i go into the dpa program..
will i meet the deadline? sigh.
another lonely.. shitty.. year end and christmas.
have fun.. i know you will.. after all.. you feel so good now..
just wish.. i had a chance to prove.. and show.. a final chance.. to display everything.. :\
new blog song!... suits our situation well...
final fantasy 13 is out! should i get it? hmmmm... maybe not..
Fight on 12/23/2009 12:47:00 AM
Monday, December 14, 2009
time for an update i guess.. so long haven't update liao..
doing some lousy jobs now... pay sucks.. like what? 30 a day? slog like 10-12 hours.. crazy. lucky its not everyday.. would have died.. sigh. anyone still got lobang please please pleaseeeeee contact me. desperate. lol.
well nothing much recently.. today went for ntuc for interview.. i dropped out halfway coz i stood there for like 1 hour? it only went infront for 3 people ._.
besides.. when i saw the queue i was like is that a toto queue? before i found out it was the line to the interview.. :\ called agencys and still no answer.. this really blows..
sunday went to my grandma's house.. found out that my cousin's computer is spoilt.. and his modem has no usb cable.. LOL. epic win. really. ._. tried to fix it.. almost did.. but since he had no usb cable.. i am unable to do anything.. oh well. day was pretty dull..
saturday.. went to work.. then went out.. but halfway through got called for an emergency job.. so had to work till 11.. then reached home about 1.. checked all my stuff then go sleep liao.. nothing much to do.. haha.
so bored recently. played soul calibur broken destiny.. and.. MAXI FUCKING OWNS. YEAH MAN WOOHOO :X
Things.. haven't been going well for both of us.. we both know that very well.. it appears that having each other or not doesn't affect our lives anymore.. how i wished it was still in the past.. i know i am foolish.. i'm learning to treasure you.. i know i suck at it.. and i make many many many many mistakes.. piss you off.. and such. .but.. i can stand here and confidently say that.. i'm doing all these... its because of that one reason which you know very well. i'm always here if you need me.. i won't ever disappear or attempt what i did in the past anymore.. i know you don't trust me.. so.. just let me prove it to you.. i do hope that you can see my effort one day. :)
another lonely christmas lol. oh well.
Fight on 12/14/2009 10:54:00 PM
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
there's nothing to talk about really.. hmm.. other then i got a 1 tb hard disk drive from sitex.. wish i had more money so i can grab more stuff.. hmm.. maybe next year? need a job badly anyway.. still cant find any. anyway i can't believe i went there like.. 2 times? @@. incredibly far.. its crazy. =\. guess i have too much time on my hands anyway.. they feature so much kpop there.. wonder why -.-. oh well.
speaking of which.. yesterday i went to buano vista to find a job.. since the agent called.. went there and told me no job.. job taken. wtf? waste my time. plus she said it with a smile on her face =.=. mocking me? wth. =\.
thinking about other easier to find alternatves now.. alone got lobang just pm me :(
need one badly.. =\. hahahah.
guess i'm improving a little at tekken.. learning some proper combos and learning how to juggle now.. hahah.
i guess today wasn't a very good day for me.. hmm =\ haha.. oh well. theres always tomorrow :).
theres nothing much to blog about.. its always the same thing at home.. quite.. boring. but at the same time quite enjoyable.
borrowed blazblue from kei. played akakure's story... at every option i had.. i ate everyone xD! eatting people ftw. LOL.
... things have taken a worse turn. give up? never. i will fight the battle.. even if its hopeless. somethings can't be said myself.. =\ haha. i wonder what made you think that way. isit my fault? =\. am i not good enough to win? i'll find that answer myself. no matter how long it takes. Until then.. i'll still fight with what i have.. to prove it to you.. i'm no long the weakling and unconfident person i am. i'll show everyone.. that things have changed. :)
promises are meant to be kept. no matter how much pain someone has to go through.
Fight on 12/02/2009 10:20:00 PM
